The POST "IF" Chronicles

"There is the mud, and there is the lotus that grows out of the mud. We need the mud in order to make the lotus."
Thich Nhat Hanh
Why the wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger: The Chinese give a beautiful explanation to this. The thumb represents your parents. The index finger represents your siblings. The middle finger represents yourself. The ring finger represents your life partner. The little finger/pinky represents your children. Hold your hands together like the picture. Join your middle fingers back-to-back, and the remaining fingers tip-to-tip. Now, try to separate your thumbs. They will separate because your parents are not destined to live with you forever. Rejoin your thumbs and separate your index fingers. They will separate because your siblings will have their own families and lead their own lives. Rejoin your index fingers and separate your little fingers/pinkies. They will separate because your children will grow up, get married, and settle down. Rejoin your little fingers/pinkies and try to separate your ring finger. They will not be able to separate because your life partner is meant to be with you throughout your entire life, through thick and thin.

Why the wedding ring is worn on the fourth finger:

The Chinese give a beautiful explanation to this.

  • The thumb represents your parents.
  • The index finger represents your siblings.
  • The middle finger represents yourself.
  • The ring finger represents your life partner.
  • The little finger/pinky represents your children.

Hold your hands together like the picture. Join your middle fingers back-to-back, and the remaining fingers tip-to-tip.

Now, try to separate your thumbs. They will separate because your parents are not destined to live with you forever. Rejoin your thumbs and separate your index fingers. They will separate because your siblings will have their own families and lead their own lives. Rejoin your index fingers and separate your little fingers/pinkies. They will separate because your children will grow up, get married, and settle down. Rejoin your little fingers/pinkies and try to separate your ring finger. They will not be able to separate because your life partner is meant to be with you throughout your entire life, through thick and thin.

(via myaccidentallyonpurpose-deactiv)

There has been a slew of Tumblr BFP’s. October/November is most def a lucky month! Congrats mama-to-be’s. Here’s to a joyous & healthy nine months.

Baby Brain

I’m apologizing in advance if I offend anyone…this is my D-bag rant for today, sorry, I’m just keepin’ it real.

While working on numerous program slides, performance reviews and cost reports I was simultaneously thinking about heading out to Target during lunch for bathroom cleaner, hair clippy’s, birthday card’s, oh and seeing if they had those Mossimo Ponte Leggings in my size. Thankfully the local Target around my work is about 5-10 mins away, I could get all my shopping done, grab a Starbucks for lunch and fill my tank before I head back to work. I wanted to be in and out of there.

So as I pull up the already filled parking lot (these folks were probably thinking what I was thinking) I see this mother with her daughter who looked about 2 and her infant son who looked like he just started walking yesterday taking their time walking hand in hand in the middle of the crosswalk (mind you this mother was also wearing what I think were six inch stilletto’s, key word “stilletto’s” and at Target). I am all for letting your kids do things on their own and that your world revolves around their development but COME ON! Really this woman must’ve had a really bad case of what they call “baby brain”. I kid you not there was a pile up on both sides of the crosswalk while this woman was taking itty bitty steps with her children (maybe coz those sky high’s were killing her feet and her back since she was kind of in this crouching position while she was walking with her babies). Yeah, yeah call me bitter, if it were an old person it would be different, I would have the patience because they’re old. There’s a reason why man invented the stroller, the bjorn, Dr. Scholl’s and ballet flats if you’re trying to be cute and stylish at Target. There, I said it, just had to vent!

On a lighter note my baseline ultrasound was yesterday. All systems are a go and we’re moving along as scheduled! I just need to have another period to shed a little more of my lining and my ovaries are “asleep”. I’m hoping to start stimming by Friday (friends and fam - stimming, meaning my second set of shots to wake up my ovaries and mass produce a bunch of little “to-be” Nik and D’s). Happy hump day everyone!

Loooong Protocol

                                      

What are you lookin’ at Nik? And what’s up with the fobby peace sign? As long as it’s not a duckface……

I’m still here. I’m on what my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) calls the Long Lupron Protocol. In a nutshell I’m on BCP’s (birth control pills) for 2-3 weeks, then on 4 different sets of shots for the next couple weeks, then the egg retrieval, then the egg transfer and finally you guessed it folks more shots. This whole process will take about 6-8 weeks.

  • We took our injectibles class last week, no one fainting this time and I administered my own shot with no bitching out
  • I’m still on BCP’s until this Sunday and I’ve started my first set of shots (Lupron) last night. It wasn’t so bad, but I still had D do it, I turned into jelly legs as soon as I got a whiff of alcohol and I saw the pointy needle.
  • Acupuncture is therapy. I decided that since we’re already putting all this money toward IVF why not? It seriously helps me clear my head, focus on the positive and I’ve caught myself snoring consciously a few times. Sounds wierd, but that’s the best way I can describe it.
  • Our egg retrieval and egg transfer is tentatively scheduled for the week of Thanksgiving.
  • I decided during the ER and ET week to take a 2 week staycation, I want our little bean(s) to get very comfortable.
  • I’ve tackled most of the first book of Game of Thrones, I live, breath and dream of swords, direwolves and Men of Night’s Watch. Look into it.
  • Also who has been watching American Horror Story on FX? Must watch!

All in all, we’re just waiting patiently for the very best Christmas/Holiday present ever and really I’ve just been doing me. Hope y’all are having a great week. Is it really November already?

Happy Halloween Ghouls, Goblins & Zombies! 

Happy Halloween Ghouls, Goblins & Zombies! 

Thundercats Are Gooo!

After all that madness with ARC and UCSF we finally recieved our FINAL IVF Calendar. We’re good to go with billing, all of my meds (thank ya Jesus!) are covered under my insurance and they should be shipped sometime soon. I’m on BCP’s for the next 2 1/2 weeks then I start Lupron. Our ER (egg retrieval) and ET (egg transfer) is scheduled for the week of Thanksgiving. I’m already planning on living in my Little House on the Prarie flannel nightgown and reading the rest of the Game of Thrones series post transfer. Yeah I’m a geek. Happy Friday everyone.

Super irked

Hello, Spinster Hunchback Monster is here today in place of Nik. She’ll be back within 4-5 days. AF came yesterday. My brain is fried trying to get all this IVF shit together. Today I’m super irked because:

  • AF is on day 2 and endo pains have kicked in full swing. Thank you Levi’s for petite black jeggings. Thank you H&M for long tunic-y swing-y blouses. Thank you TJ Maxx for being so close to my place of work…I need to make a period panty pit stop today.
  • I picked up my BCP’s and antibiotics last night but the dingbats at UCSF provided no directions on when I should start fucking taking them!
  • I’ve been emailing back and forth with ARC about our financing and it’s like pulling teeth out to get information from these biatches. For example, in a previous email: You and D have been a approved for a loan in the amount of $18k….and that was the end of the fucking email. So now what? Do we get the check and give it directly to UCSF? What are the loan terms? etc. etc. In other words can you make this a little more easier for us and explain what our next steps are?
  • I’m resenting D but feel guilty for being resentful because all he has to do is jizz in a cup while I basically get poked and prodded.
  • Acupunture is hella breaking bread, I’m really considering opting out after only 3 sessions, I go twice a week up until egg transfer and this is basically $100 a pop. I seriously need to start and IF registry, do they have those?
  • Did I mention it’s day 2 of AF??….Son of a fuckin’ biscuit!!! Endometriosis sucks!!!

I just want to curl up in my mama’s hand me down Excorcist-flannel nightgown with a bag of mini snickers and cheesy bread and marinara until all of this goes away. Mom, where are you? I need baby-ing. BLARG! Good day my fine ladies and gents